Never in Blue Jeans


Is there a song that is more misunderstood than Neil Diamond’s “Forever in Blue Jeans”? I don’t mean like Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze” “‘scuse me while I kiss this guy…” misunderstood. We understand every word of “Forever in Blue Jeans”, but no one seems to understand the author’s meaning.

First off, it’s a metaphor. The man is poet for God’s sake! Dig a little, people! Secondly, Diamond is not extolling the virtues of wearing blue jeans, nor is he advocating living one’s life in an eternal state of denimness, ala the retired Jay Leno. (When was the last time anyone saw Neil Diamond in blue jeans? 1973? Even those were embroidered with glass beads.) He is, in fact, minimizing and ridiculing wearing blue jeans. No?

Money talks, but it don’t sing and dance and it don’t walk

Translation: Money is important and makes one hell of an impact on happiness. It was Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey, who remarked to Clarence Odbody AS2 (Angel Second Class) that money “comes in pretty handy down here, bub!” It’s not everything though. Some of the best things in life are free, such as singing, dancing and walking. (And the love of a special lady, but that’s next.)

And as long as I can have you here with me,
I’d much rather be forever in blue jeans

Translation: I love you so much that if we could just be together I would forgo material wealth and live like a dirty peasant “forever in blue jeans”.

Not convinced? He goes on.

Honey’s sweet, but it ain’t nothing next to baby’s treat

Translation: There are a lot of sexy women out there, but you are hotter than the mighty fires of Mordor and I choose you.

And if you’ll pardon me, I’d like to say, we’ll do okay, forever in blue jeans

Translation: I know this sounds strange, but I prefer you to all others, so much so that I would choose being with you over all the wealth in the world, even if we had to live like scabies covered hippies in a broken down rat-infested school bus “forever in blue jeans”. Tell me where I’m wrong.

The bridge doesn’t really add much.

Maybe tonight, maybe tonight by the fire, all alone in the dark
Nothing around but the sound of my heart and your sighs

Translation: Let’s get it on

Money talks, but it don’t sing and dance and it don’t walk
As long as I can have you here with me I’d much rather be forever in blue jeans

Translation: People who live their whole lives in blue jeans are the absolute worst.

So remember when you are strutting around in your sassy blue jeans at the mall or on casual Friday laughing around the water cooler, Neil Diamond is lounging around his pool in silk slacks. And he’s not laughing with you, he’s laughing at you.

Lyrics reprinted without permission but I’m sure he’ll thank me when he reads this

I’ve got two Neil Diamond Tribute shows in the near future

Saturday March 21, 2015
The Tony Starlight Showroom

Friday April 17, 2015
The Venetian Theatre in Hillsboro OR

Here’s my latest Neil Diamond inspired comedy video


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