New Years Resolutions 2015

As tradition dictates, I should like to list my nine-and-one-half resolutions for this New Year of 2015. Why nine-and-one-half? Because ten would just be showing off.

Gratitude: This is something sorely lacking in our narcissistic, self-centered culture. There is not enough gratitude in the world today, therefore (1) I resolve to treat each day like a gift, a gift that I have given to the people of Earth. Those who don’t show proper appreciation will be dead to me.

Self improvement: I long to be a safer driver. I vow (2) to look both ways when changing lanes, both up and down. Up at the road and down at my cell phone. Further, I promise (3) to come to a complete stop when I reach my destination.

Get into shape! My Tom Jones impression has been quite a crowd pleaser, thus I resolve (4) to wear tighter pants. Even if that means eating more food because, I also resolve (5) to buy no new pants.

Kindness: I promise (6) to be kind to everyone I meet. This is a radical change and might be kind of hard, so I might just start with being kind to everyone I haven’t met and see how that goes.

Education: If you know me, you know how much I value education, therefore I plan (7) to continue educating the people of Earth, while I break every issue down into plain English that even an American could understand.

Self restraint: Let’s face it, complaining about other people rarely fixes them. They still act the way they act and nothing I say has any effect on them and that bothers me. So this year I resolve (8) to not be bothered that my complaining is pointless and just learn 9) to appreciate my complaining for what it is: the truth laid bare, in a whiny tone.

Set goals: Complacency is the enemy, thus I vow to (9.5) aim higher, especially when using a tall urinal.

Ah be, ah be, ah be, that’s all folks!


Keep up to date on all the shows, special events and fantastic happenings with Tony Starlight and at The Tony Starlight Showroom.

By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: TONY STARLIGHT'S, 1125 SE Madison Ave Suite 103G, Portland, OR, 97214, http://www.tonystarlight.com. You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact

Tony Starlight Showroom
1125 SE Madison St
Suite 103G
Portland, OR 97214
(503) 517-8584

Google Maps

Tony’s Latest Video

From Instagram…